Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
