The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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