Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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