it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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