Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
