You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
