Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
