the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
