Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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