i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
