She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
