if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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