Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
