Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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