whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That accounts for only three of the penises
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
