Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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