He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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