Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
