We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
