I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
