I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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