You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
