You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
