were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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