it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
