Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
