Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
