how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
