I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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