There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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