and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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