Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We're too hungover to prance.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
