I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
