so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
