If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
