I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
third nipple confirmed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
