I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
