4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
