So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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