we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
