Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
