what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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