wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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