Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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