chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
