ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
