blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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