Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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