nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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