Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
