Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
