I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who died my cat blue again?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
