Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
