I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
