Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
