Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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