His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
